“Not in the brochure” – an SMS from a friend.

Chicago: one day only in the city (hotels are chock a block), 10 architectural wonders to see and to get the Museum of Modern Art – but first check on the bike. Parked late, next to some cars, thought it would be okay to stay there, but needed to be sure it wasn’t going to be towed away when morning rush hour began.

Uh, huh, back wheel flat. Rude words. Plenty. Is this someone’s idea of a joke? Is this spite? Okay when I parked last night.

What was a drizzle is now rain. I wheel the bike forward – a bit – check for nails. Can’t seen anything. Can’t really move it. Too damn heavy. Got to get back to the hotel, can’t do anything more. No one at reception knows of a tyre shop. “There’s a filling station, block and a half”.

Filling station can’t help. What about a can of tyre repair? Looks good, take two. Wait and wait for the rain to let up. Head back to the hotel. Read the small print on the can. “Not suitable for bicycles, motorcycles …”

Yellow Pages: look for any bike shop that seems to be close by and start phoning and phoning. No one answers, “leave a message”. What is this?

I call my contacts at BMW in New Jersey, get the local BMW dealer number. Get an answer. “Bring it in.” How? “Tow truck.” What about self repair to get the bike there? “Don’t touch it, it makes a helluva mess.”

Oh, no, this is going to be big bucks. Can’t get online to track down some biker buddies, so it’s the tow truck.

Joe is not happy about being called out. He has called me back, his buddy had to tackle some other job. “I’m still in bed. Work from 5 in the evenin’ to 7 in the mornin’. What is this, buddy? Can’t it wait until this afternoon…” There is much, much more of it. “… bike shop stays open until 9 tonight …” Sure? “Sure.”

Okay, collect it when you start at 5 this afternoon. “What? It’ll mess up your day. And the traffic, the traffic downtown, do you know what the traffic is like downtown?” Sure, I discovered it late yesterday afternoon. “There’s no movin’ downtown in the late afternoon, there’s no movin’.” Okay, what then? “My buddy should be handlin’ this… I work nights, five to seven, just got to bed. I’ve just got to sleep…” I’m a little stunned and confused. What’s to be done?

Okay, Joe, let’s leave it and you give me a call later. “No, buddy, it’ll be messin’ up your day. I’ve been working until 7 this  mornin’. Tell me where it is, buddy… black flatbed, buddy, that’s how we move bikes…”

We connect about an hour later. “Need to get some air that wheel, need to get some air in that wheel. Make it easier to get it on. Don’t you worry, buddy, we know how to move bikes, you just stand here and make sure no one rides over my toolbox. Just stand here, buddy, don’t let anyone ride over my toolbox…”

I like Joe. Joe’s got gripes. “No money, buddy, no money… this truck costs, three-five a month, buddy, and then there’s 400 for gas … should have gone into real estate. Been a millionaire, buddy, a millionaire. Do you know, buddy …

“A house? No, buddy, I sleep in my garage, can’t afford a house, buddy… Now if I’d bought five or six properties when I came here 10 years ago, been a millionaire, buddy…

“Married? Who’s goin’ to marry me, buddy, I sleep in my garage. Not right in my garage, buddy, in the office alongside. Who’s goin’ to marry me and stay in a garage… Workin’ at this for 10 years, buddy, seven days a week, buddy…

“Pretty girls in Chicago, pretty girls in Chicago, buddy. Check her. She’s nice – 200 pounds? I like fat girls, buddy. I like fat girls. Friends don’t want ‘em, I like ‘em, buddy. You heard that before, buddy?”

He’s concerned that I won’t be able to find my way back to the hotel. “I’m gonna make it real easy for you, buddy, just two turns, buddy, just two turns … you’ll get back real easy…”

“You gonna pay for this, buddy? Tell you what, buddy, I’ll see what I can do… Look, I’ll not charge you for … that’ll save you about $12. Okay, buddy?”

Bad news: a long nail, gone in sideways. Nothing to do but the replace the tyre. Might have to order a tyre, three days?

Three days? And where do I stay for three days? Already tried to extend my stay at the hotel. Nothin’ doin’. Full up. Chock a block.

Good news: there is one tyre, ordered for another customer, not needing it immediately. I can take it.

Get back to the hotel. It’s nearly 5pm. So much for one day in Chicago. But I’m staying next to the Old Town. Manage to get online – “that’ll be nine ninety five for 24 hours, honey” – get my emails, answer. Time for a shower and a walk around the neighbourhood. Real pretty. People out cycling, walking their dogs, eating … Nice place to be.

My thoughts return to Joe: “You need, money, buddy …”